Recently an old friend of mine said that they found themselves bored on a long car ride. This got me to thinking that there’s a whole genre of music out there that has stayed pretty much untouched and untapped for decades, if not close to a century. Car Songs are a staple of any family on the go. Whether you’re singing about wheels on a bus or flies in your buttermilk, these songs help pass the time with melodies that circle back onto each other and seemingly unending verses.
Perhaps the best example of that style of song is the classic “99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall.” But that song has many flaws, not the least of which is its disgusting encouragement of underage drinking. The next of course is that it’s simply old and outdated. We don’t keep our beers on the wall anymore, like they did back when the song was written in 1963 by Jerry Garcia and a young Edgar Allan Poe*.
So I have taken it upon myself to update this old track with some new, hip lyrical content that should have all the kids singing, and no one will ever be bored in a car ride again.
“99 Obsolete Technological Advancements on the Wall
99 Obsolete Technological Advancements
You take one and do extensive Research and Development
Create a new product based on the old product
And put it out on the market with a substantially higher price tag
and label it with a slightly different model number
98 Obsolete Technological Advancements On the Wall…”
*in no way does Into the Garbage Chute have any way of confirming this is true or not, but it seems to be the most widely accepted version of the song’s origin.
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