Living with this guy was Cuh-Ray-Zee!
This week’s question comes from a man or woman by the name of Bubbles. Bubbles has a particularly challenging situation involving an uninvited demonic house guest. Luckily for Bubbles I happen to be an expert on paranormal and demonic entities having seen Ghostbusters at least 20 times in my life.
Dear James Garbage,A level 3 lesser demon has taken up residence in my unconscious psyche and has been slowly gaining control on my conscious state. Slowly I find I can’t stay focused on task unless, of course, they are evil or destructive tasks. My question is that how I get rid of…. of.. my skin in the quickest most efficient fashion? Currently I’m trying a carrot peeler with poor and messy results. It seem he… I… have a paring knife and was wondering what success you’ve had in this regard. If you could answer in all due promptness. My success in finally enveloping this host dwindles with every moment you waste.See you in hell,Bubbles
Bubbles –
You are very much so in luck. I was once roommates in 1999 with a demon by the name of Steven Jenkins. He was actually a level 2 CyberDemon, serving out a term of 12 years of banishment from the fiery pits of Hell for hitting on Satan’s daughter. Satan is very protective of his Hell-spawn apparently.
Anyway, I view your problem as having a couple of different issues you need to deal with. First of course is establishing boundaries with your demon. You need to make it clear that only certain elements of your psyche are available for him to inhabit. For instance, it’s okay for him to take over your reasoning skills that keep you from murdering goats and sacrificing them on an altar made of used tampons. But it is NOT okay for him to keep you from bathing for more than a week. After all, a symbiotic demon exitence in your mind will never work if you can’t work, pay your bills and feed yourself.
Secondly, once you’ve established boundaries, you need to let the demon know that this co-habitation will only work if you get fifteen minutes of “Me Time” every day. These are the times to get the business done that you need done. Like shopping, playing Wii-Fit, or whatever it is you do Bubbles. I know fifteen minutes isn’t a long time, but be thankful for that time. Time is a precious gift Bubbles, try to remember that.
Lastly, don’t forget to just PARTY! I mean, when’s the last time you had an evil spirit inside you? Live it up, friend! Go see a movie! Take a stroll down a pier. Try an exotic food you’ve never tried before. Embrace this phase of your life. Years from now, when your Mortal Soul is burning for an eternity in the Lake of Fire, you’ll wish you could have just one more moment here on Earth with your demonic pal.
Oh, and as for removing your skin, have you tried a micro-planer? I know when I’m making my famous “Chili-Cheese Breakfast Taco Nachos With Pork Sausage Gravy Cracklins” the micro planer really shaves down the frozen bacon I sprinkle over the top quite well. Just a thought.
Hope This Helps!
-J-Dizzle Schlar-mizzle
Do you have a question for James? Send it to James@TheGarbageChute.Com!
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