The Invention of Titties
The world moved around at quite a slower pace before 1942, when titties were invented. Most of us didn’t even know there was a void in our lives that only titties would one day fill. You could say that titties …
Category Archives: Short Stories
Asking For A Friend
How many times it acceptable to masturbate during the day? Six? Eight? Fourteen? I’m asking for a friend. See, he gets turned by watching old sitcom opening credits. I’m not sure why this friend is so turned on by sitcom …
5 Things You Don’t Know About Me
Look, if we’re going to do this thing, you and me, we’re going to have to get to know each other on an uncomfortably personal level. …
5 Probably Totally Possibly True Facts About Dinosaurs
FACT #1 – ALL DINOSAURS LOVED MALT LIQUOR
FACT #2 – ALL DINOSAURS LOVED NINTENDO WII
FACT #3 – ALL DINOSAURS LOVED WEARING BLACK CHUCKS
FACT #4 – ALL DINOSAURS LOVED THE KANSAS CITY ROYALS (AND WORE THEIR HATS …
I (Finally) Answer The Question On Everyone’s Mind
No. No, I’m not ready for some motherfucking football.…
Hey, Kristen!
Hey, Kristen! Where were you last summer? Were you hanging out with your friends Ron and Stan? Or were you smuggling cocaine into the country? You tell me Kristen! Word on the street is that it’s the latter. And if …
Awkward
Mmm. I have to admit I’m super turned-on right now. We’re talking an all-expenses-paid sojourn to Boner Town. If erections were currency I’d have a liquidity in turgidity. There is nothing on my mind except getting this thing in my …
There’s a Time and Place…
I should probably apologize to a few people here in attendance tonight.…
A Lover’s Tale of Woe
When I was a younger, more impressionable youth I dated a girl named “Jenny.” I only put her name in quotations to emphasize her name. This is not a made up name. I really did date a girl named “Jenny.”
Hands Off!
Um, I would think it would go without fucking saying, but apparently not. Under no uncertain circumstances should any of you fucknuts touch my Subaru. I mean it, dipshits. Keep your motherfucking hands off my Subaru.…
