Into the Garbage Chute

I’m Really Sorry

Dear World –

It’s come to my attention that perhaps I’ve been a bit naive. You see, I just assumed that everyone had my extraordinary gift. I was living life under the false pretense that my situation really was not …

The Pledge

I’ve decided to make a pledge to my children. They’re both still very young. David is not quite five, and Parker is not even three months old. But I pledge here and now, to them both that I will only …

Pfffft

How do you do it? How do you manage to consistently get yourself under the limbo pole of decency? With every turn you manage to slide just a little further off the track. I’m floored by your constant ability to push …

Words

I kind of like the word “pillow.” I mean, that is to say I fucking love it. It sounds like something you’d eat more than something you sleep on. It’s also just a letter or two away from being a …

Mystery Solved

Have you ever wondered if a rabbi, a priest and a monk could ever walk into a bar without some asshole making a wise-crack? I have. Then one day I saw it, with my own two eyes.

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Many Thanks to Irving M

For my awesome new banner. More changes are coming to the Chute, folks. I’m still writing for Yahoo! in the meantime. Mucho amor por todos.…

An Open Letter to Victoria Jackson

Dear Victoria Jackson,

Wow. Wowee wow wow. Your comments about “Glee”, homosexuality and even Muslims have my head spinning. How did you ever survive as a cast member on “Saturday Night Live”? I remember you being in sketches that …

Three Hours I’ll Never Get Back: Oscars 2011

Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit.

I don’t even know where to start. I guess I’ll start by thanking any of my Twitter followers who followed my live-stream of tweets last night. I hope I was at least 50/50 annoying …

My 2011 Oscar Predictions

The Academy Awards are being held this Sunday night. As is my tradition here at the Garbage Chute I will now make some predictions for the night’s events. I’m pretty good at this sort of thing, so don’t be too …

A Broken-Record: Why Right-Wingers Hate Vaginae

Those who align themselves on the far right side of the aisle when it comes to social and economic issues are some of the loudest voices in terms of protecting the lives of unborn children when the uber-tame topic of …