A lot of people tell me that I’m a great guy. They say, “you’re so funny.” They say, “you’re so cool.” “I want to buy you a strawberry phosphate.” Stuff like that. But what they don’t know is that I live with a debilitating illness. I suffer from a disease that up until very recently had no cure. I am horny.Yes, that’s right. I am horny. I can’t help it. I really, really, really, really want to have sexual relations…with a woman…soon…now. And for many years this desire has affected every decision I made. It ruined relationships with women, and it just made it difficult to find pants that fit. But now, I have found it. The solution to my problem. The answer to the riddle.
It occurred to me one night whilst pondering “Where Have All The Cowboys Gone?” While I never figured that out, I did have a rather startling epiphany. I should mention at this point that the struggle Male Erectile Functionality is one that should not be made light of. I could be watching MSNBC and the thought of what Keith Olberman’s cologne must smell like will get me thinking about boobies (obviously), and then from there things just go off. It’s something I’ve struggled with all my life really.
My wife is who I truly feel sorry for. Disease not just hurts those afflicted, but those affected. She’s soldiered on through all of this. She’s born the brunt of so much of this affliction. But I’m pleased to say that thanks to my moment of clarity the other night, things should get better for her, very soon.
So what, you ask, is going to fix this problem? What medicine will cure what ails me? I am prepared to reveal this miracle cure now, here on my blog. And I hope that this will help others who suffer daily with this disease come to grips and deal with their sickness.
It is with great relief that I present my solution:
I will have sex. With my wife. At some point.
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