Scientists: Over 700,000 licks to get to the center of a Tootsie-Roll Pop

Scientists in Zurich have released the findings of their 38 year long research into exactly how many licks it would take to get to the Tootsie-Roll center of a Tootsie Pop.

712,228, 712,229, 12,230...*CRACK!*...712,230.

The official number is 712,230 licks to get to the center.

This of course flies in the face of conventional wisdom that it only takes three licks. Chief researcher Henrich Vonschtup says that “…is preposterously low. It insults the intelligence of every consumer to imply that only three licks would be required. I weep for the children of the world that unwrap their Tootsie Pops, lick three time and are left with the same hard candy on a stick that they had before.”

Mr. Owl could not be reached for comment at the time this story was written.